This is a very difficult/emotional post to type, however, when I started this blog after the new year I wrote that my son had just decided to join the U.S. Marine Corps and that I needed a place to "journal." I knew that documenting most of our day to day events would be very routine, usually boring or silly with splashes of news and excitement ~ but mainly I needed a small space to just "BE" if that makes any sense at all. A free spot. That was what this blog is to me. My free spot. 

I also knew that the whole "joining the Marine Corps process" would be a challenge at times and that my emotions would most likely fly all over the map and make me look and feel like a complete mad woman....but I never expected the depth of emotions I would feel on May 3rd, Josh's 20th birthday. Never. Ever.  

Two days ago my boy turned 20 years old. It was supposed to be the most awesome birthday of his life to date; the day he swore into the Marine Corps....I blogged about it HERE. Feel free to catch up. I will not delete the post or edit it because this is our LIFE as it happens. No post edit. It's for real.

Josh left the evening before his birthday and went to Baltimore for the swearing in process and I waited anxiously with my cell phone in hand all day, I thought I'd go out of my mind!

But I stayed busy ~ I made him a special "diet" cake (more on that later), I went to the party store and spent too much $$ on balloons and party favors (all Military themed), I went by the butcher to get him his favorite meatloaf mix, by the grocery store for all of his dinner fixings, I decorated the dining room & kitchen, wrapped his presents, prepared his bday meal....and waited for his phone call saying, "I did it, I swore in! I'm a Marine Recruit!"
 
Well, that call never came. Instead I got a frantic call at about 4pm from a very distraught young man who was turned down (AGAIN) by the Marine Corps because of his arm tattoo - despite having TWO waivers from upper command and having jumped through all of the necessary hoops that they set out for him to swear in. 

Look, I understand regulations & protocol, trust me. And we knew going in to this process that his arm tattoo would be an issue. No problem. If it's a no-go then tell him that to BEGIN with, be up front about it and let him walk away. But DO NOT tell my boy that he has his waivers, all his ducks in line, all paperwork complete, it's a done deal, send him back to Baltimore with fan fare and applause telling him that he WOULD be signing in to the Marine Corps on his 20th bday and then shoot him down.

As his Mother, I am completely beside myself right now with raw emotion and I have YET to find a place to put those feelings because I am concentrating on my son. He comes first. Period.

Josh went through a 12 hour day, undergoing medical physicals & paperwork, and in the end they sat him in the hallway, told him that his chance for becoming a Marine is finished and then let him sit for 3 hours to be picked up to be taken home. Happy Birthday, Josh. Not.

OK, regrouping now. I refuse to panic. Of course, I immediately called the Sgt. in the recruiting office and, from a Mom's standpoint, respectfully blasted his head off, which I'm sure he appreciated. ???  Then I went straight into the "alright, how do we fix this/what NOW?" mode and then drove to the recruiting office to deal with the Marines face to face before my son arrived and did or said something to burn his bridges forever. To say Josh was livid & deeply hurt would be an understatement, for certain.

However, by the time he arrived back at the recruiting center from Baltimore he had put all of his emotions in check. He walked in, head held high, demonstrated extreme respect and received his next instruction and game plan from his Gunnery Sergeant. 

Here's the bottom line: We have ONE more shot at another waiver. This one has to come from the top General of the East Coast Recruiting District. He will be the one to ultimately decide if Josh deserves a career in the Marine Corps or not. Our recruiting office said we should have had the answer within 24 hours - that answer did not come.

 So now we sit and wait. How long? We don't know.


Afterwards we came home & Josh put on his happy face, despite being mentally drained and exhausted. He decided to celebrate his birthday no matter what. That's my boy! 

(I did tear down all of the "Congratulations" banners and put away the party favors and toned everything down to birthday party only before I drove off to the recruiting office - at least my quick thinking was still working even if my anger management skills fell off the wagon for a little while....)



Josh is on a healthy, low carb, no salt, high protein, no sugar, no flavor (ha!) diet, so we at like he would.....my lips are sealed.....I'm not gonna say another word.



Meaning.....baked, plain, sweet potatoes, a meatloaf free of salt, bbq sauce, saltines....no carbs, no nothing.....A cake made with no sugar, only a teensy bit of RAW honey, no sugar, almond meal, no sugar, unsweetened Dutch cocoa powder, no sugar, something called agar agar flakes, and no sugar. Sound yummy yet?

All I can say is that Josh was happy with his "special diet meal" and he ate it so I'm okay with that. I'm not full, but I'm happy. I'm craving Black Forest Cake, but I'm happy if Josh is happy.  Uh-huh. Yup.  (help)



I had already wrapped his gifts....oops. But he thought the paper was cool and he smiled at his little pile of goodies.



The $$$ was spent, what could I do? I didn't even have time to pop them before I flew out the door.  He smiled at them too. He was very gracious.



P.S. If anyone wants some left over birthday cake.....it's in the refrigerator.

Please? Really! Come get some! It's yummy! {{{Fingers crossed behind my back}}}



We weren't going to let anything get us down on his birthday. I told him: "This is just another hiccup. We've had hiccups before and there will be more hiccups in your future, for certain. But in each moment of your life you only have one choice to make: "How am I going to react to this situation" and that decision is completely-100% up to you and in your control. No one else. YOU. How someone else reacts is their problem. You alone are responsible for your own behavior. It's that simple."



So we are taking things one day at a time and chose to react with grace & patience, and we'll see where this whole mess takes us...



I'm simply amazed at how badly he wants to be a U.S. Marine & how patient he's been and how hard he's working. It's really blowing my mind.



I also learned a few things about Josh on his birthday. Many of which I will keep private, but one....that he has matured a lot in the past 6 months.



And that I continue to be amazed by his sheer grit and determination.



And that I'm very proud of him for wanting to serve his country.



And that I never want to make this cake. Ever. Ever. Again. Amen.



Not sure if he's lovin' it.....in fact, this cracks me up. Josh said, and I quote, "The first bite tastes kinda weird, but after about 5 bites it sorta grows on ya and then it's not so bad."

But he said it was cool that I made a cake that he could actually eat (sorta) and it only had 160 calories per slice. Of what, I'm still unsure, but....again....if anyone wants some left over birthday cake....please come get some. It's still in the refrigerator...3 days later...it's sooo yummy.    :o))))



I'll give it to Johnny. He'll eat anything.

That look on his face makes me think he's wanting one of these cakes for his birthday too.  (Gag)


(cell phone pic)

At least Josh got the PS3 game he asked for!



And the cordless shaver he asked for!


(cell phone pic)


Afterwards Josh kicked Johnny and me out so we went up to bed, and he and a few of his friends played video games in the living room (they didn't eat cake) and celebrated some more until God knows when.

Even though the day didn't turn out exactly as we had all hoped it would, we managed to celebrate and eat dry, bland food and gross cake! Wa-hooooo!!! The things we do for our kidlettes, right?

Who knows where Josh will be 1 year from now. A Marine? A personal trainer at Gold's Gym? An Army soldier? (That did come up in discussion...)

LET'S SEE! Thanks for going on this "journey" with us and listening to my blabber. It is an adventure...that's for sure.