Friday, June 11, 2010

Thank God for Costco, that's all I can say.

Once upon a time there was an old woman.

Achem...I meant a young, thin, woman with perfect porcelain skin. Oh, and great teeth!

Well, gee, while I'm at it...she has long, beautiful, thick flowing hair, long legs, a shoe closet wardrobe to DIE FOR, a brand new flash for her camera and uumm....

What else....Oh yeah, she spoke 4 languages, was an award winning photographer and just loved spending her vacations at her summer home in the South of France. No, in Italy. Brazil! Or...all over Europe - she just Europe hopped for 3 months is what she did.


She had a son.

He ate like a pig.

He eats her out of house and home, but it doesn't effect her shoe wardrobe.

Don't worry.

Josh says, "Mama! I'm staaaaaaarving!!! Can you go buy me some food for my tummy?"

Mom says, "No."

Josh says, "Pleeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeaaaaaaaaase?"

Mom says, "You eat like a pig. I can't afford you anymore. You need to leave. Now."

Just kidding. She's a pretty tough cookie, but she's got a soft heart where her boy is concerned.
Uh-huh...It's called:  Sucker


Why do you eat so much child?!? It's like you're body building and getting ready to go into the Army or something. Get a job. Get 2 jobs.

Oh what? You think smiling at me like that is gonna get you what you want?


Three 12-packs of chicken breasts, three 12-packs of hamburgers, 90 eggs!, umpteen pounds of brown rice and oatmeal and what the heck? How much Equal does one boy need? Child, we about need another cart.

Don't smile at me that way. You cost too much. Time for you to go.

Go on now....scoot.


But be home by midnight, OK? I worry about you out there on the roads at night. And besides, you have to go shopping with me again next week. Don't want you keeling over dead on me or anything. I mean what would people say behind my back? My poor, tiny, malnourished son dying of starvation.

I mean....what would they say about "that woman..." I know I would say that she must love her son very, very much and that Costco must love her very, very much!

Yup. That's what I would say  :o)

And that I hope the Army has a very large food budget. They have NO idea what's coming in 5 months......


No comments: